Just around the corner

A worry I want to let go of...

This week I painted my toenails a sparkly purple. Every time I find myself on the precipice of June, I wind up making decisions I hope my mom would be proud of. It’s silly really because, while she was proud of many things I managed in the time that she was still here, she couldn’t bring herself to admit she was proud of anything I did–at least not to me… When she was deep in Alzheimer’s, often unsure of who exactly I was to her, she was much easier to please.

I’ll never know why she was so critical toward me. Every single thing I did that I asked her opinion of was adorned with her remarks of disapproval and disgust. In letters, however, she’d tell a different story. It was almost like she was incapable of a favored verbal opinion.

It was always really weird, and sometimes really hard to be her daughter and on the receiving end of such things.